The post below remained in my drafts folder for quite some time already (almost 5 years? I'm guessing here). I think wrote this a few weeks after my ex- and I broke up. It was the hardest thing that happened in my life. An event beyond my control, a pain that can never be resolved in an instant. Time, space, family and friends were the factors that made me sane until I was able to recover.
Looking back and telling people good memories I had in the past is refreshing. It no longer has that feeling of hurt or bitterness in my heart. :) This just goes to show that we say the craziest things when we are mad, when we are hurt. Just give it some time, focus your attention on stuff that makes you happy makes the burden lighter to carry.
Thinking of it now, it wasn't that bad after all. Maybe, it wasn't really just for me back then. :)
An open letter to the man who broke my heart...
The pain doesn't stop killing me each day I get a chance of remembering you. Why do you have to tell me that you love me when you would just leave me? Sana pinagisipan mo, dun ka pa naman magaling. Kasi hindi mo alam kung gaano kalaki yung paghihirap ko just to give the relationship a chance. I remember I started out not sure if I would be able to reciprocate at least the love you gave, pero I was able to achieve it. Pero ikaw, ano nangyari? Honestly, I am very hurt right now. Kasi you just threw everything and you didn't even gave me a chance. WTH do you think cool off really means? declaring it, but deep inside you were already planning on breaking up with me. Tapos sasabihin mo sakin it has been more than 8 months that you've been thinking about it! Kamusta naman yun? Ni hindi mo man lang agad sinabi sakin. G*go ka pala e! Ano yung ginawa mo, pinaglaruan mo na lang ako sa 8 months na yun na ayaw mo na pala. I HATE YOU SO MUCH. I wanted to hurt you but I can't kasi lagi kong naaalala yung mommy mo at si Kuya mo na naging sobrang bait sakin. If not for them, I could have done something.
Everyday I get to analyze, na you somehow fell in love with me. Somewhere in the middle, you just toyed me. You asked me to do your projects. You've never been a gentleman to me. You made me a variable in your crazy "social" experiment. You we're not there to support me in my endeavors. You give me gifts kasi binilhan mo yung friend mo, so isasabay mo lang ako.. You always ask me to understand your friend, pero you didn't understand how I felt. Lagi na lang ako yung iintindin. You always criticize me. You never went to my house. Alam mo ba kung gano kahirap yun? Pinakamasakit yung magkaharap na nga tayo hindi mo pa din ako nakita.. Do you think kissing, hugging, holding my hand already erases all the short comings? I don't think so..
Nung tayo pa, everyday nagdadasal ako na sana gabayan tayo ni God. Na sana tayo na hanggang huli. Sabi nila kung isa lang sa dalawa yung nagdadasal, It won't work. Kasi kaya nga couple e. =P Siguro, hindi ka nagdadasal =P hahaha! I'm sorry I know you won't be able to read this since you're not reading my blogs. I am not yet ready to be your friend. I am still hurt of all the pa-asa and lies that you told me. I never cried this much for anyone except you. I don't even remember that I had a boy friend.
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